69 EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to introduce to you, the one, the only, the greatest, the go get em, give em Harry, knock your undies off if you gave him the time of day, or night, the one, the great, the fantastic, the writer of a blog, the only, infamous, funny, brilliant, the man that I present, the one man, the only man, THE MAN, the writer of the blog, the one, the only, writer of the blog, and now, I present to you with drums rolling, the clouds parting, the sunshine of your life, who you gonna call but this man, the great man, the one and only, writer of the blog, the blog! He wrote the fucking blog! And it can only be, the one, the great one from Stockton-Jamestown-Nawlins-Valenciana! It is............AaaaaaaaBbbbbRrrrrrAaaaaaaaaaaaHhhhAaaaMmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good day everybody, that's what I've said before, but to mix things up a bit, how bout brilliant shiny freakin day! Or how about a fucking day! A bright, brilliant, shiny fucking day, and I mean that from the bottom of my underwear. Survey says I do have the right to walk through Jamestown naked, but the authorities mandate footwear. Broken glass, it makes sense, thanks for the tip Daddy! I also know from experience one ought not cook in the nude. You never realize how much hot splashage your clothes save you from, unless of course you're doing a tandem drop and lick sort a thing. Thongs. Bras. Nudity. 69.
Now let me tell you what this is all about, it's the 69 EXTRAVAGANZA! It's the 69th post on Feel The Mirth! And to mark the special occasion I've invited a few friends to share with us all the greatness and glory of the number 69.
If there's somebody out there who doesn't know the warm, wonderful, wooooozy! sensation of a woman sitting on your face, then have a seat, stick around, dick around, and lend an ear, or an eye, or bodily fluid, and I'll tell you what it's all about. Bear with the mouths filled with words and enjoy the spectacular.
You've heard of a place called Heaven?????
I got an email from "seduced virgins" who said "I'd love their little pussies". I'm sure I would. Who doesn't love virgin pussies? But I didn't visit their site because I know how viruses spread when one visits porn sites and also that they'll (whoever they is, I don't know) know who visited and where to send more spam and spoof email to. Also, I couldn't help but think it's the Christians who implant viruses on porn web sites. Why do I suspect this? Jesus wouldn't want to spread a virus to anybody. I know. He told me. But why do I distrust Christians? That's the question. How did they get such a bad reputation? Wait, I do know this. The answer is hypocrisy. When somebody tells me he or she is a Christian, my reaction is "yeah right, if I believe that you'll tell me another one, right?" I don't believe them. When I see a church, my stomach usually gets upset (I nearly vomit if I go inside) and I think one word, "hypocrites" and sometimes I'll add a little, "if you didn't spend so much time preaching and so much money on your exceedingly expensive house of worship, then..." And then when I turn on the television I immediately understand why things are the way they are, and it's summed up by the word "fear", or if I'm verbose, I'll add "guilt", or maybe "Christians". And I know Jesus wouldn't talk shit about Christians, but if I were to get inside his head to discover what exactly irks him, I think it would include everything that today bears the name "Christian". That's not my original idea, but is there such a thing as an original idea? Aren't they all constructed upon previous ones?
Try this one out: I've caught glimpses of the television show "Survivor", and the other day I was reading about myself and I came up with this idea of combining my story with Survivor. It would be the greatest Survivor series ever and my ratings would hit an all-time high! It will be called: "Survivor: The Journey to Mount Moriah" Will it be funny or tragic? There are crazy people, but are they crazy like me? I myself would enter into one of those blue shithouses and be turned upside down in it, but I would do it with a special kind of face. Does anyone know what a special face is? Me neither, and so it might be more funny than tragic to see how nobody survives the grand finale.
Now picture Rosie Perez younger and naked and you'll enter into this dream I had in which I got to play strum your lips to make a cool sound, but in a different, more grown-up way. Now wake up and go to school and see your beautiful teacher standing in front of the class with her cute school-girl stockings and charming smile affixed over irresistable contours and listen to her romantic spanish musings and tell me who do you love? I've never met Rosie Perez though I thought it irresistable that she pronounced her name Wosie, but her eyes never flattered me once, let alone spied me, but this newer, more dazzling creature with eyes that kiss spanishly and mirth that speaks fluently has flattened me bedazzled and now I must be off to an appointment I had at 69 o'clock. Oh no, is it half-crass? Or was it a talk with Pedro?
Tuviste nada que perder. ¿Cuantas amantes has visto desde entonces, caraculo? No pasa nadie, ¿verdad? No te preocupes. Un poco temor tiene que pasar en esta epoca. Ahora es nuestro tiempo. ¡Para el coche! ¡Para el coche! Mira al serpiente. Los ojos y la lengua sienten todo. Besalo sin miedo y entonces estarás libre. La libertad para amar, vale la pena seguro. Besalo para siempre o sesentinueve veces, como quieres, y nos veremos al reves y al reves y adentro y afuera, adentro, afuera. ¡Despiertáte! No lo siento, pero todos tienen sueños. ¿Por qué no? Podemos, así ¿por qué no? Nos queremos, así ¿por qué no? ¡Temor no more!
Bill O'Reilly: First of all, why the hell is Abraham thinking? He has faith, he doesn't think. He doesn't need to. Secondly, I am offended by his spanish. You're in America buddy, speak English or shut up.
Michael Moore: Last I knew this was a free country and he has the right to say whatever he wants in whatever language he wants.
Bill O'Reilly: Yes and no. He can say whatever he wants, but in America you have to speak English.
Michael Moore: No he don't.
Bill O'Reilly: Shut up.
Michael Moore: No, escucha señor. Puedo hablar español.
George W. Bush: and so can I, but it's an insult to be spoken to, in a foreign tongue.
Jacques Chirac: And for once we agree Monsieur Bush
Bill O'Reilly: That's Mr. Bush to you. Now let me say another thing. Mr. Abraham. You're not a Christian. You never were a Christian. You'll never be a Christian and frankly, we don't want you as a Christian. I think you've said enough. You had your free speech now shut up and listen to me tell you in plain English. You're a no good murderer and were it not for the Statute of Limitations I'd have you tried and fried for what you've done to your innocent child. You got away with it by faith. We left you alone as long as you shut up so go back to your quiet little wherever you came from and mumble to yourself in spanish for all I care, just go away. Do yourself a favor, you don't belong here anyway.
Jacques Chirac: Don't come her either monsieur.
George W. Bush: hey! We are a Nation of immigrants. That's, that's what makes us great, uh, uh uh and we are also a Nation of Laws. And you can get in Legally and it must be within the Law!
Michael Moore: Were any of you buffoons even listening to what he said? We're gonna start filming the new "Survivor: The Journey to Mount Moriah" down in South America, we don't even...
George W. Bush: now I done told you boy, nobody enters South America if not Legally and within the Law and I'm sending Guard troops down there to assist the border security who're doing a fine job!
Ken Starr: I think it's clear only that he had intercourse with another woman. He is an adulterer.
Bill Clinton: Now what exactly did he mean by mount Mariah?
Monica Lewinsky: Poor woman! Free yourself! Don't be lured by his charm and wit, nor by his massive, powerful, organicity!
Bill O'Reilly: You don't even know what organicity is!
Michael Moore: Dick!
Bill O'Reilly: You shut up dick!
Deborah Norville: He had sex with his teacher.
Janet Reno: She will go to jail then.
John Ashcroft: To a torture cell.
Roger Chillingworth: But He's an adulterer! He shall hang for this!
John Ashcroft: No, in this day and age we have a sense of human worth and dignity, like the President says. Therefore, he will receive a lethal injection and die in peace, and humanely.
George W. Bush: We are hunting and killing the adulterers as we speak.
John Kerry: We will continue to hunt and kill the adulterers as we speak.
Dick Cheney: Fire!
Jon Stewart: But he's not an adulterer. In fact he's been dead for thousands of years.
Bill O'Reilly: Look, your job is comedy, butt out.
Bob Schieffer: Lets go to Lara. Lara, what does it look like down there?
Lara Logan: Well Bob, the sentiment here indicates Abraham is, as the song quotes, "hot for the teacher." Even as he writes, the little drummer boy plays behind while the people often stop and stare. And there are whisperings as to the whereabouts of the lost wedding ring. The townspeople are constructing a red badge of discourage in his name.
Bob Schieffer: Did he ever have a wedding ring and is he in fact married?
Lara Logan: I highly doubt it Bob. Wedding rings weren't constructed until well after the advent of metallurgy and there are no existing records or accounts of the woman named Sarah.
Bob Schieffer: And what about this Rosie Perez?
Lara Logan: A phantom in the night Bob. There seems to be no connection though she is of Latin origin.
Bob Schieffer: Sounds romantic. So all the turmoil is over nothing?
George W. Bush: That's enough said already.
Bob Schieffer: Yes sir, good night.
George W. Bush: And God bless!
John Kerry: And God bless!
a little while later....
Abraham: do do do do do do do do do do She loves me. do do do do do do do do do do She loves me not. do do do do do do do do do do She loves me!
Jesus: I'm surprised at you.
Abraham: Who? Oh, it's you. I thought you were away.
Jesus: Ye of little faith...
Abraham: Who me?
Jesus: Yeah you!
Abraham: Well I saw you throwing stones the other day.
Jesus: Who me?
Abraham: Yeah you! I saw it right on TV
Jesus: You fool, I do not appear on television!
Abraham: Ouch! Stop that!
Jesus: Stop what?
Abraham: Talking. You should know better, of all people.
Jesus: You know full well I only talk to you. Even I need to vent to keep alive.
Abraham: Yes, I know, and I love busting your balls Jesus!
Jesus: So how are you and the wifey?
Abraham: Still pumping away with no return. We're having a blast. Don't you ever feel as if life drags and drags and each moment is more blissful than the last and you can never understand how or why?
Jesus: Of course, that's my way.
Abraham: I did watch television today and I saw how troublesome it is for them, so I put in a good word for Abraham, he's pretty special. He's almost there, as if he were only one good woman away from it all. And that reminds me, no offense Jesus, but I'd rather be home breeding than chit-chattin' with a dude. See ya!
And now the old man sits on his porch swing looking out over his glorious backyard pond:
Old Man: (with a frog in his throat, gradually clearing) I traveled a few days in my youth. I took some pictures if you don't believe me, though I think I threw them away, or gave them away, I don't know. There were lots of pictures I didn't take, that's for sure. And I don't regret it! Damn the pictures and fucking cameras. If you wanna know a story, I'll tell you one.
I was sittin' there meditating next to the Dalai Lama. I know his name is Tenzin Gyatsu! Anyways, we finished, took a piss and came back to eat some food. It was good food, but I tell you that tuna macaroni salad is just as good. I couldn't tempt Mr. Lama to have a cheeseburger with it when I fixed some, but even so he agreed it tasted good. He knew by my countenance.
We ate and shot the shit and it came about that I invited him to stay with me beside my glorious pond and he said he'd love to stay at my glorious pond and roast a marshmallow even. Needless to say he never showed, but not because he was in need of direction.
I saw him again in a dream I had and we ate and shot the shit and he invited me to come meditate with him, but the dream ended before I arrived. I woke up happy nonetheless and though I had no company that day I took refuge in what I did have and gloriously skinny-dipped in the newly brightened golden pond. It was a fine morning, a morning without end. It was a fine pond and an ocean of a pond it became as I swam and swam like a dolphin can until at the end of morning I arrived at Mr. Lama's abode where he was meditating. He opened his eyes and said "My, what a glorious pond you have. Look, I brought marshmallows!"
And finally, a young woman has a chat with a young man:
Young man: You're like a butterfly, fluttering about from place to place, always taking pictures. What's with the pictures?
Young woman: Pictures are pretty!
Young man: Of course they're pretty, just like you my little pretty. Lovely, just lovely you are. Darling?
Young woman: yes?
Young man: I must confess something.
Young woman: yes?
Young man: I love you very much and you know I can say or do anything to you.
Young woman: yes.
Young man: But I must confess that everyone else frightens me in a way that you no longer do.
Young woman: How so?
Young man: Okay, it goes like this, sort of....
Alt. Take 2
Young woman: A bit a coffee'll warm the heart
Young man: A bit a you'll warm the soul
Young woman: Pork and beans'll make me fart
Young man: (to himself) Stay cool and calm and in control
Young woman: Never you'd want a girl who farts
Young man: (half to himself) Never I'd want a girl who farts?
Alt. Take 3
Young woman: Kitty kat Flap jack Bric a brac
Young man: Kitty kat
YW: Boo hoo doggy do boogaloo
YM: Boogaloo
YW: Cell phone go home all alone
YM: Go home
YW: Pancake God's sake Salt Lake
YM: Pancake
YW: Go to bed fear and dread gimme head
YM: fear and dread
YW: Gimme head circus bread head of lead
YM: Gimme head
YW: Circus nut stupid mutt elephant
YM: Circus nut
YW: Dirty slut Pizza Hut Stray cat Strut
YM: Pizza Hut
YW: young man winning hand rock band
YM: rock band
YW: Violin Loretta Lynn Ho chi Minh
YM: Violin
YW: black as night out of sight human rights
YM: black as night
YW: Hide and seek peek a boo Hu Jintao
YM: Hu Jintao
YW: Jim Morrison Van Morrison Toni Morrison
YM: Little drummer boy
YW: Dalai Lama Who's your momma ride-a-rama
YM: ride-a-rama
YW: back door third floor wild boar
YM: third floor
YW: door knob corn cob blow job
YM: blow job
YW: water slide electric slide slip and slide
YM: slip and slide
YW: Watergate fish bait Mary kate
YM: Watergate
YW: White wall pitfall shopping mall
YM: pitfall
YW: bar none water gun honey bun
YM: water gun
YW: member remember dismember
YM: member
YW: big rig jig
YM: big
YW: this is fucking stupid
alt. take 4
Now the young man sings:
Look at the carnival! Look, it's just ahead! Look, it's over there! It's all around, it's everywhere!
clickety click click clickety click click clickety clickety clickety click click...
... I love you I love me I love Laura I love John I love Kevin I love Inma I love Sarah
... I love Momma I love Wyatt I love Derek I love Justin I love Nichole I love Heather
... I love Ryan I love Jamie I love Aaron I love Aaron I love Danielle I love Daddy
... I love Casey I love Carrie I love Destini I love Bethany I love AJ I love Peggy Sue
I love Jerry I love Jessica I love Jessica I love Jim I love Jean I love grandma I love grandpa
I love Al I love Dale I love Ellie I love Jennifer I love Betty I love Fran I love Karen I love Roger I love Virginia I love Sunshine I love Shelly I love Tom I love Tim I love Dave I love Kim I love Andrew I love Marilyn I love Jackie I love Paula I love Miguel I love Fernando I love David I love Begonia I love Erin I love Rob I love Sherry I love Tammy I love Ronne I love Zeke I love Heather I love Jessica I love Laura I love George I love Brandy I love Brandon I love Mike I love Michelle I love Erica I love Leydi I love Erica I love Andy I love Patrick I love Adam I love grandma I love grandpa I love John I love Jeremy I love Jeremy I love Agnes I love Chris I love Bob I love Bob I love Dan I love Kala I love Alicia I love Brett I love Cassie I love Chuck I love Scott I love Fred I love Jarod I love Jim I love Josh I love Josh I love Katrina I love Danielle I love Kris I love Matt I love Matt I love Missy I love Nate I love Ralph I love Timmy I love Dale I love Scott I love Erica I love Ron I love Marty I love Jesus I love Moe I love Michelle I love Lynn I love Shaun I love Sam I love Cheryl I love Kevin I love Stacy I love Aaron I love Dave I love Shannon I love Chip I love Darren I love Darin I love Bill I love Kenny I love Mary I love Annie I love Paul I love Jenn I love Kristen I love Kim I love Kristin I love Jarod I love Laura
Good day everybody, that's what I've said before, but to mix things up a bit, how bout brilliant shiny freakin day! Or how about a fucking day! A bright, brilliant, shiny fucking day, and I mean that from the bottom of my underwear. Survey says I do have the right to walk through Jamestown naked, but the authorities mandate footwear. Broken glass, it makes sense, thanks for the tip Daddy! I also know from experience one ought not cook in the nude. You never realize how much hot splashage your clothes save you from, unless of course you're doing a tandem drop and lick sort a thing. Thongs. Bras. Nudity. 69.
Now let me tell you what this is all about, it's the 69 EXTRAVAGANZA! It's the 69th post on Feel The Mirth! And to mark the special occasion I've invited a few friends to share with us all the greatness and glory of the number 69.
If there's somebody out there who doesn't know the warm, wonderful, wooooozy! sensation of a woman sitting on your face, then have a seat, stick around, dick around, and lend an ear, or an eye, or bodily fluid, and I'll tell you what it's all about. Bear with the mouths filled with words and enjoy the spectacular.
You've heard of a place called Heaven?????
I got an email from "seduced virgins" who said "I'd love their little pussies". I'm sure I would. Who doesn't love virgin pussies? But I didn't visit their site because I know how viruses spread when one visits porn sites and also that they'll (whoever they is, I don't know) know who visited and where to send more spam and spoof email to. Also, I couldn't help but think it's the Christians who implant viruses on porn web sites. Why do I suspect this? Jesus wouldn't want to spread a virus to anybody. I know. He told me. But why do I distrust Christians? That's the question. How did they get such a bad reputation? Wait, I do know this. The answer is hypocrisy. When somebody tells me he or she is a Christian, my reaction is "yeah right, if I believe that you'll tell me another one, right?" I don't believe them. When I see a church, my stomach usually gets upset (I nearly vomit if I go inside) and I think one word, "hypocrites" and sometimes I'll add a little, "if you didn't spend so much time preaching and so much money on your exceedingly expensive house of worship, then..." And then when I turn on the television I immediately understand why things are the way they are, and it's summed up by the word "fear", or if I'm verbose, I'll add "guilt", or maybe "Christians". And I know Jesus wouldn't talk shit about Christians, but if I were to get inside his head to discover what exactly irks him, I think it would include everything that today bears the name "Christian". That's not my original idea, but is there such a thing as an original idea? Aren't they all constructed upon previous ones?
Try this one out: I've caught glimpses of the television show "Survivor", and the other day I was reading about myself and I came up with this idea of combining my story with Survivor. It would be the greatest Survivor series ever and my ratings would hit an all-time high! It will be called: "Survivor: The Journey to Mount Moriah" Will it be funny or tragic? There are crazy people, but are they crazy like me? I myself would enter into one of those blue shithouses and be turned upside down in it, but I would do it with a special kind of face. Does anyone know what a special face is? Me neither, and so it might be more funny than tragic to see how nobody survives the grand finale.
Now picture Rosie Perez younger and naked and you'll enter into this dream I had in which I got to play strum your lips to make a cool sound, but in a different, more grown-up way. Now wake up and go to school and see your beautiful teacher standing in front of the class with her cute school-girl stockings and charming smile affixed over irresistable contours and listen to her romantic spanish musings and tell me who do you love? I've never met Rosie Perez though I thought it irresistable that she pronounced her name Wosie, but her eyes never flattered me once, let alone spied me, but this newer, more dazzling creature with eyes that kiss spanishly and mirth that speaks fluently has flattened me bedazzled and now I must be off to an appointment I had at 69 o'clock. Oh no, is it half-crass? Or was it a talk with Pedro?
Tuviste nada que perder. ¿Cuantas amantes has visto desde entonces, caraculo? No pasa nadie, ¿verdad? No te preocupes. Un poco temor tiene que pasar en esta epoca. Ahora es nuestro tiempo. ¡Para el coche! ¡Para el coche! Mira al serpiente. Los ojos y la lengua sienten todo. Besalo sin miedo y entonces estarás libre. La libertad para amar, vale la pena seguro. Besalo para siempre o sesentinueve veces, como quieres, y nos veremos al reves y al reves y adentro y afuera, adentro, afuera. ¡Despiertáte! No lo siento, pero todos tienen sueños. ¿Por qué no? Podemos, así ¿por qué no? Nos queremos, así ¿por qué no? ¡Temor no more!
Bill O'Reilly: First of all, why the hell is Abraham thinking? He has faith, he doesn't think. He doesn't need to. Secondly, I am offended by his spanish. You're in America buddy, speak English or shut up.
Michael Moore: Last I knew this was a free country and he has the right to say whatever he wants in whatever language he wants.
Bill O'Reilly: Yes and no. He can say whatever he wants, but in America you have to speak English.
Michael Moore: No he don't.
Bill O'Reilly: Shut up.
Michael Moore: No, escucha señor. Puedo hablar español.
George W. Bush: and so can I, but it's an insult to be spoken to, in a foreign tongue.
Jacques Chirac: And for once we agree Monsieur Bush
Bill O'Reilly: That's Mr. Bush to you. Now let me say another thing. Mr. Abraham. You're not a Christian. You never were a Christian. You'll never be a Christian and frankly, we don't want you as a Christian. I think you've said enough. You had your free speech now shut up and listen to me tell you in plain English. You're a no good murderer and were it not for the Statute of Limitations I'd have you tried and fried for what you've done to your innocent child. You got away with it by faith. We left you alone as long as you shut up so go back to your quiet little wherever you came from and mumble to yourself in spanish for all I care, just go away. Do yourself a favor, you don't belong here anyway.
Jacques Chirac: Don't come her either monsieur.
George W. Bush: hey! We are a Nation of immigrants. That's, that's what makes us great, uh, uh uh and we are also a Nation of Laws. And you can get in Legally and it must be within the Law!
Michael Moore: Were any of you buffoons even listening to what he said? We're gonna start filming the new "Survivor: The Journey to Mount Moriah" down in South America, we don't even...
George W. Bush: now I done told you boy, nobody enters South America if not Legally and within the Law and I'm sending Guard troops down there to assist the border security who're doing a fine job!
Ken Starr: I think it's clear only that he had intercourse with another woman. He is an adulterer.
Bill Clinton: Now what exactly did he mean by mount Mariah?
Monica Lewinsky: Poor woman! Free yourself! Don't be lured by his charm and wit, nor by his massive, powerful, organicity!
Bill O'Reilly: You don't even know what organicity is!
Michael Moore: Dick!
Bill O'Reilly: You shut up dick!
Deborah Norville: He had sex with his teacher.
Janet Reno: She will go to jail then.
John Ashcroft: To a torture cell.
Roger Chillingworth: But He's an adulterer! He shall hang for this!
John Ashcroft: No, in this day and age we have a sense of human worth and dignity, like the President says. Therefore, he will receive a lethal injection and die in peace, and humanely.
George W. Bush: We are hunting and killing the adulterers as we speak.
John Kerry: We will continue to hunt and kill the adulterers as we speak.
Dick Cheney: Fire!
Jon Stewart: But he's not an adulterer. In fact he's been dead for thousands of years.
Bill O'Reilly: Look, your job is comedy, butt out.
Bob Schieffer: Lets go to Lara. Lara, what does it look like down there?
Lara Logan: Well Bob, the sentiment here indicates Abraham is, as the song quotes, "hot for the teacher." Even as he writes, the little drummer boy plays behind while the people often stop and stare. And there are whisperings as to the whereabouts of the lost wedding ring. The townspeople are constructing a red badge of discourage in his name.
Bob Schieffer: Did he ever have a wedding ring and is he in fact married?
Lara Logan: I highly doubt it Bob. Wedding rings weren't constructed until well after the advent of metallurgy and there are no existing records or accounts of the woman named Sarah.
Bob Schieffer: And what about this Rosie Perez?
Lara Logan: A phantom in the night Bob. There seems to be no connection though she is of Latin origin.
Bob Schieffer: Sounds romantic. So all the turmoil is over nothing?
George W. Bush: That's enough said already.
Bob Schieffer: Yes sir, good night.
George W. Bush: And God bless!
John Kerry: And God bless!
a little while later....
Abraham: do do do do do do do do do do She loves me. do do do do do do do do do do She loves me not. do do do do do do do do do do She loves me!
Jesus: I'm surprised at you.
Abraham: Who? Oh, it's you. I thought you were away.
Jesus: Ye of little faith...
Abraham: Who me?
Jesus: Yeah you!
Abraham: Well I saw you throwing stones the other day.
Jesus: Who me?
Abraham: Yeah you! I saw it right on TV
Jesus: You fool, I do not appear on television!
Abraham: Ouch! Stop that!
Jesus: Stop what?
Abraham: Talking. You should know better, of all people.
Jesus: You know full well I only talk to you. Even I need to vent to keep alive.
Abraham: Yes, I know, and I love busting your balls Jesus!
Jesus: So how are you and the wifey?
Abraham: Still pumping away with no return. We're having a blast. Don't you ever feel as if life drags and drags and each moment is more blissful than the last and you can never understand how or why?
Jesus: Of course, that's my way.
Abraham: I did watch television today and I saw how troublesome it is for them, so I put in a good word for Abraham, he's pretty special. He's almost there, as if he were only one good woman away from it all. And that reminds me, no offense Jesus, but I'd rather be home breeding than chit-chattin' with a dude. See ya!
And now the old man sits on his porch swing looking out over his glorious backyard pond:
Old Man: (with a frog in his throat, gradually clearing) I traveled a few days in my youth. I took some pictures if you don't believe me, though I think I threw them away, or gave them away, I don't know. There were lots of pictures I didn't take, that's for sure. And I don't regret it! Damn the pictures and fucking cameras. If you wanna know a story, I'll tell you one.
I was sittin' there meditating next to the Dalai Lama. I know his name is Tenzin Gyatsu! Anyways, we finished, took a piss and came back to eat some food. It was good food, but I tell you that tuna macaroni salad is just as good. I couldn't tempt Mr. Lama to have a cheeseburger with it when I fixed some, but even so he agreed it tasted good. He knew by my countenance.
We ate and shot the shit and it came about that I invited him to stay with me beside my glorious pond and he said he'd love to stay at my glorious pond and roast a marshmallow even. Needless to say he never showed, but not because he was in need of direction.
I saw him again in a dream I had and we ate and shot the shit and he invited me to come meditate with him, but the dream ended before I arrived. I woke up happy nonetheless and though I had no company that day I took refuge in what I did have and gloriously skinny-dipped in the newly brightened golden pond. It was a fine morning, a morning without end. It was a fine pond and an ocean of a pond it became as I swam and swam like a dolphin can until at the end of morning I arrived at Mr. Lama's abode where he was meditating. He opened his eyes and said "My, what a glorious pond you have. Look, I brought marshmallows!"
And finally, a young woman has a chat with a young man:
Young man: You're like a butterfly, fluttering about from place to place, always taking pictures. What's with the pictures?
Young woman: Pictures are pretty!
Young man: Of course they're pretty, just like you my little pretty. Lovely, just lovely you are. Darling?
Young woman: yes?
Young man: I must confess something.
Young woman: yes?
Young man: I love you very much and you know I can say or do anything to you.
Young woman: yes.
Young man: But I must confess that everyone else frightens me in a way that you no longer do.
Young woman: How so?
Young man: Okay, it goes like this, sort of....
Alt. Take 2
Young woman: A bit a coffee'll warm the heart
Young man: A bit a you'll warm the soul
Young woman: Pork and beans'll make me fart
Young man: (to himself) Stay cool and calm and in control
Young woman: Never you'd want a girl who farts
Young man: (half to himself) Never I'd want a girl who farts?
Alt. Take 3
Young woman: Kitty kat Flap jack Bric a brac
Young man: Kitty kat
YW: Boo hoo doggy do boogaloo
YM: Boogaloo
YW: Cell phone go home all alone
YM: Go home
YW: Pancake God's sake Salt Lake
YM: Pancake
YW: Go to bed fear and dread gimme head
YM: fear and dread
YW: Gimme head circus bread head of lead
YM: Gimme head
YW: Circus nut stupid mutt elephant
YM: Circus nut
YW: Dirty slut Pizza Hut Stray cat Strut
YM: Pizza Hut
YW: young man winning hand rock band
YM: rock band
YW: Violin Loretta Lynn Ho chi Minh
YM: Violin
YW: black as night out of sight human rights
YM: black as night
YW: Hide and seek peek a boo Hu Jintao
YM: Hu Jintao
YW: Jim Morrison Van Morrison Toni Morrison
YM: Little drummer boy
YW: Dalai Lama Who's your momma ride-a-rama
YM: ride-a-rama
YW: back door third floor wild boar
YM: third floor
YW: door knob corn cob blow job
YM: blow job
YW: water slide electric slide slip and slide
YM: slip and slide
YW: Watergate fish bait Mary kate
YM: Watergate
YW: White wall pitfall shopping mall
YM: pitfall
YW: bar none water gun honey bun
YM: water gun
YW: member remember dismember
YM: member
YW: big rig jig
YM: big
YW: this is fucking stupid
alt. take 4
Now the young man sings:
Look at the carnival! Look, it's just ahead! Look, it's over there! It's all around, it's everywhere!
clickety click click clickety click click clickety clickety clickety click click...
... I love you I love me I love Laura I love John I love Kevin I love Inma I love Sarah
... I love Momma I love Wyatt I love Derek I love Justin I love Nichole I love Heather
... I love Ryan I love Jamie I love Aaron I love Aaron I love Danielle I love Daddy
... I love Casey I love Carrie I love Destini I love Bethany I love AJ I love Peggy Sue
I love Jerry I love Jessica I love Jessica I love Jim I love Jean I love grandma I love grandpa
I love Al I love Dale I love Ellie I love Jennifer I love Betty I love Fran I love Karen I love Roger I love Virginia I love Sunshine I love Shelly I love Tom I love Tim I love Dave I love Kim I love Andrew I love Marilyn I love Jackie I love Paula I love Miguel I love Fernando I love David I love Begonia I love Erin I love Rob I love Sherry I love Tammy I love Ronne I love Zeke I love Heather I love Jessica I love Laura I love George I love Brandy I love Brandon I love Mike I love Michelle I love Erica I love Leydi I love Erica I love Andy I love Patrick I love Adam I love grandma I love grandpa I love John I love Jeremy I love Jeremy I love Agnes I love Chris I love Bob I love Bob I love Dan I love Kala I love Alicia I love Brett I love Cassie I love Chuck I love Scott I love Fred I love Jarod I love Jim I love Josh I love Josh I love Katrina I love Danielle I love Kris I love Matt I love Matt I love Missy I love Nate I love Ralph I love Timmy I love Dale I love Scott I love Erica I love Ron I love Marty I love Jesus I love Moe I love Michelle I love Lynn I love Shaun I love Sam I love Cheryl I love Kevin I love Stacy I love Aaron I love Dave I love Shannon I love Chip I love Darren I love Darin I love Bill I love Kenny I love Mary I love Annie I love Paul I love Jenn I love Kristen I love Kim I love Kristin I love Jarod I love Laura
posted by Tegbir Singh at 12:06 PM
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