Bleeding ball sacs

I don't care what anybody says. Torture can be hilarious. It's funny, it's hysterical. And then somebody says that it won't be so funny when it happens to you, and to that I will agree. I probably wouldn't laugh too much if I were tortured, but that doesn't mean that it's not funny for somebody else to get tortured, somebody that to me lives in a far off fictional world. And then the reasons for their torture are funny too. I am glad I can laugh about it rather than experience it of course. Oh wait, I did experience torture last week. I got swabbed negatively, if you know what I mean. And how could I forget those two ugly years subdued by Russian terrorists? I haven't of course. The memory haunts me every day, most blatantly in the form of anxiety and the unfinished business of putting the smackdown on their kielbasas. Da da da, da da da. Yours is coming bitch! Ha ha hah hah haha hahah hahahhahahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm coming for your gold, nigga!!!!!!! I know how you cherish your gold. How would a high heel up your ass feel? Or interacial porn! Goddamn, I can't wait till I'm king! It wouldn't be like that though, because I'm too fucking nice. No matter how much I want to kick your ass, I won't. Because my superego would kick mine! Ha ha ha!
Next paragraph. Torture bitch reel. Torture bitch reel. It feels good to laugh. And this is where I say a bit about how I do my part. I don't torture anybody except myself, and to that I have a right for sure. And I don't feel compelled to donate my organs. Suffering is living, deal with it. I recommend laughing it up until your day comes.

fuck off ye factual fuck

Some people are funnny. Ahh what does it fucking matter when I'm dead as a fucking doornail.
A fucking goddam doornail. I spit on this fucking doornail. Kiss my ass you fuck. I'd never talk to people like that. It's only facts that I'd tell to go fuck their mother.

And to end on a lovely tune, I'm thinking of a nice piece of American ass. I love American ass. Such sweet luscious ass. Luscious sweet luscious ass. I could go for an ass cream cone.

Dizzy dancing (not today)

What'll happen when I get sick? Or disabled? Man oh man, the day is coming, hopefully a lot later. Gloomy, very gloomy stuff. Not being gloomy right now, been dizzy though. You're making me dizzy. I'm so dizzy my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends, you're making me dizzy! Dancing dizzy doesn't bode well. Dizzy dancing, however.........another day.
This post is a rather simple one, so far.
Complexity on:
I think I will I think I might I think I'll have you know tonight that I'm knocking on your door.
Complexity off:
Shit fuck doody dopper.
Complexity on: If you're hungry and you know it clap your hands, clap clap, if you're hungry and you know it clap your hands, clap clap. If you're hungry and you know it and you really want to show it if you're hungry and you know it eat your hands.
Now, for those of you who ate your hands, congratulations, you can advance to the next level, which begins now: I'm thinking of a letter. What is it?
If you guessed the letter P...
Complexity off: I read the news today, oh boy.
Complexity on: When you hear this noise it means your memory has been replaced with a more beneficial one: I read the news today, oh boy.

Thank you Sir

Hello me! It's me again! How lovely it is!
Lets get down to business. I don't got no time to play around what is this? There must be a circus in town. Sir Cuss? Why yes you son of a bitchin fuckin asshole! Sir Kiss? Mi amor, I want you I need you I love you now kiss me, kiss me, I kiss you all over honeybunny.
Where you go Honeybunny? HoneyBuns.

If Sir Cuss shot Sir Kiss, Sir Kiss would still love him. If Sir Kiss accidentally shot Sir Cuss, Sir Cuss would probably kill him, or at least put him in jail or sue him. The moral of the story is always be gentle in your good night, even if you dunk your donuts.
Now lets stop with the morals and talk about something serious. I thought it was right to go ahead and correct a typo I had in the paragraph above. It was a minor typo, a capitalized letter that would be more properly lower case. I corrected it. Is this a bad habit? Lets ask our audience: What do you think about it Sir Cuss?
Sir Cuss: I could give a fucking rats ass, but I won't for a piece of fucking shit like you.

Well then, what do you think Sir Kiss?

Sir Kiss: I think you're absolutely adorable, come here you cutie!

You're so kind Sir. I think I will just kiss you. Mmmma. That felt good thanks!

Sir Cuss: You two are fucking stupid. WHy are you celebrating? I should stomp the living shit out of both of you fuckers, but I won't until my rat shits on my head.

Sir Cuss, you have a typo in your speech.

Sir Cuss: Are you fucking talking to me again? I swear, where's my FUcking baseball bat. I'm gonna smash your fucking heart in!

I wish you wouldn't Sir. I just wanted to point out your error because I'm afraid it'll keep hurting me, but I never meant to offend you or tell you what to do.

Sir Cuss: YOu just don't fucking listen do you? When I say shut the fuck up, you shut the fuck up. I don't wanna fucking hear you cry fucking baby! You're all fucked up! Go see a doctor! Do something or I'll never look at you agaiN!

I have class Sir, and I must depart.

Ven conmigo

Oompa loompa, dupety doo. I've got another puzzle for you. How do you make a savage sausage lick dick sucker? A mightily meaty cock mother fucker? A pussy popping make you wanna pucker?
The answer's easy, wait'll you see, when life bites down you're happy and free!

(With squinted eyes and raised upper cheeks) "Wait'll they get a load a me!"

Some guy once said, or was it a woman?, that "I am language"
How silly is that, to reduce yourself to one little aspect of yourself. If I were merely language, or my language, I would really be a moron. I'm glad that I can wake up every morning knowing that I'll say a lot of stupid things throughout the day and write some things and think things and do things and despite all those stupidities will yet persist as an enormously intelligent human being, whether or not anybody thinks I'm a moron because all they see is language.
And this brings me to an all new addition to my infamous blog: I present to you, the dumb report.
Since this is the first of many installments of Abraham's dumb report, I will first celebrate. Cheers! Glad to meet you! How's your mother? I'm fine. Gonna score tonight baby! It's Friday night, It's ladies night for those babes watching me! Let me ask you something honey. If there were a party in my pants would you make me come? Please, it's pronounced pawty baby!

Now, in the spirit of the Middle Eastern world, it's jihad time! And to kickstart things a little bit, here's a little comicstrip about my good friend Muhammad. Here goes:

Muhammad: Ohhh man! Another jihad! I'm so fucking tired of this shit. You know what amigo, I'm gonna go down there and sit at a shitty local pub with nude women dancing all around and I'm gonna sit there, drink to oblivion or until somebody shoots me in the back.

Abraham: Come on buddy. You don't want to go down there and get murdered. Besides, my birthday pawty's coming up and I don't wanna be alone after another year without a child.

Muhammad: Okay, so I wait till after de pawty?

Abraham: Sure, but I doubt you'll wanna go anywhere after my pawty, because, you know, between the soaking virgins and God's will, you won't have much incentive.

Muhammad: Abraham, you get along with everybody it seems, but you are so stupid. When's the last time you've jihaded?

Abraham: Gosh, I don't remember. Perhaps I will soon. It sounds like jolly good fun. Oh, what is a jihad?
Muhammad: Ha ha hah hahhah hah a. U so funny Abraham. I can always count on you for a good laugh
(They embrace and laugh together)
Abraham: Fuck you Muhammad!
Muhammad: Fuck you Abraham!
(They embrace and laugh together and head to the buffet table)


Now, I bring you, The Dumb Report

It's raining outside today but I don't give a fuck about the weather! I'm seeing this girl tonight but I don't think that I've ever met her! Soon it will snow, and we'll all have to go, to this place where you float like a feather!
I'm dying he said, I don't wanna go to bed and I think my bed sheets are so smelly! Good evening to you, I'm so glad that you do, those things that make sheets taste like jelly!
Now I've got stinking shoes and nothing else to lose, will you please just take me to your leader?
I've seen him before and I'd like to see some more, or do you just think that I'm a moron?
Here's a permission slip. I caught it on a fishin trip and nobody'll take me for granted. Cheers is what you say! Oh, happy day! I love you! I love you! I love you!