(With squinted eyes and raised upper cheeks) "Wait'll they get a load a me!"

Some guy once said, or was it a woman?, that "I am language"
How silly is that, to reduce yourself to one little aspect of yourself. If I were merely language, or my language, I would really be a moron. I'm glad that I can wake up every morning knowing that I'll say a lot of stupid things throughout the day and write some things and think things and do things and despite all those stupidities will yet persist as an enormously intelligent human being, whether or not anybody thinks I'm a moron because all they see is language.
And this brings me to an all new addition to my infamous blog: I present to you, the dumb report.
Since this is the first of many installments of Abraham's dumb report, I will first celebrate. Cheers! Glad to meet you! How's your mother? I'm fine. Gonna score tonight baby! It's Friday night, It's ladies night for those babes watching me! Let me ask you something honey. If there were a party in my pants would you make me come? Please, it's pronounced pawty baby!

Now, in the spirit of the Middle Eastern world, it's jihad time! And to kickstart things a little bit, here's a little comicstrip about my good friend Muhammad. Here goes:

Muhammad: Ohhh man! Another jihad! I'm so fucking tired of this shit. You know what amigo, I'm gonna go down there and sit at a shitty local pub with nude women dancing all around and I'm gonna sit there, drink to oblivion or until somebody shoots me in the back.

Abraham: Come on buddy. You don't want to go down there and get murdered. Besides, my birthday pawty's coming up and I don't wanna be alone after another year without a child.

Muhammad: Okay, so I wait till after de pawty?

Abraham: Sure, but I doubt you'll wanna go anywhere after my pawty, because, you know, between the soaking virgins and God's will, you won't have much incentive.

Muhammad: Abraham, you get along with everybody it seems, but you are so stupid. When's the last time you've jihaded?

Abraham: Gosh, I don't remember. Perhaps I will soon. It sounds like jolly good fun. Oh, what is a jihad?
Muhammad: Ha ha hah hahhah hah a. U so funny Abraham. I can always count on you for a good laugh
(They embrace and laugh together)
Abraham: Fuck you Muhammad!
Muhammad: Fuck you Abraham!
(They embrace and laugh together and head to the buffet table)


Now, I bring you, The Dumb Report

It's raining outside today but I don't give a fuck about the weather! I'm seeing this girl tonight but I don't think that I've ever met her! Soon it will snow, and we'll all have to go, to this place where you float like a feather!
I'm dying he said, I don't wanna go to bed and I think my bed sheets are so smelly! Good evening to you, I'm so glad that you do, those things that make sheets taste like jelly!
Now I've got stinking shoes and nothing else to lose, will you please just take me to your leader?
I've seen him before and I'd like to see some more, or do you just think that I'm a moron?
Here's a permission slip. I caught it on a fishin trip and nobody'll take me for granted. Cheers is what you say! Oh, happy day! I love you! I love you! I love you!